Moving Forward

At the beginning of March, JPug and I booked a vacation to Washington DC for early fall.  He had some Southwest frequent flyer points that were set to expire and I got tired of planning our lives around if or when something might happen with our process.

We chose DC for a couple of reasons…neither of us have been there and combined, we know 5 different people who live in or near the DC metro…some childhood friends, some relatives.  The opportunity to reunite with so many folks and see a new place made our decision easy.  We’re taking a weeklong trip…flying from KC to Pittsburgh, PA to visit one of my best friends from high school (and her family) for a few days before taking the train to our nation’s capital.

We’re looking forward to the trip while simultaneously continuing treatments for infertility.  Stupid idea?  Maybe so...but I’d much rather plan the trip and have to cancel because something wonderful happens than sit around KC come fall twiddling my thumbs regretting the decision not to book if something doesn’t.

Is it possible we’ll be in a situation where we lose some money or airline points?  Absolutely…but it’s a risk we’re willing to take.  Plus, from my point of view, any money or points we might lose are well worth being lost of the process actually does work.

For now, the flights are booked and we’re leaving the other details for later.  If anyone has suggestions for places to stay, things to see or where to eat in DC…please share!

Thanks to Google Images for this sweet DC pic!

Weekend Morning Cinnamon Rolls

At least one morning each weekend, I wake up early and try to put a nice breakfast together for TeamPug.  JPug loves these homemade cinnamon rolls which pair well with a homemade butter/cream cheese icing I found online.  The recipe below makes 8 rolls so we always have leftovers for breakfast the following week.  One note, these rolls are dense in nature…they aren’t flaky and won’t rise much.  Personally, I prefer the dense variety…oh, and they reheat terrifically well in the microwave.

Cinnamon Rolls

Ingredients

• 2 cups flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 cup veggie oil
• 3/4 cup buttermilk (if you don’t have buttermilk on hand, follow this recipe for quick and easy homemade buttermilk using milk and vinegar or lemon juice)
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1/3 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon cardamom (if you don't have cardamom, don't worry...just omit this ingredient)

 Directions

• Combine flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda in a medium bowl and mix well
• Stir in veggie oil.  The veggie oil will make the dry mixture clump.  I usually try my best to break up the bigger clumps with a fork.
• Add buttermilk and stir until blended.  Once again, work clumps out of mixture with a fork.
• Knead the dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth.  Add additional flour as needed to reduce dough's stickiness.
• Roll dough into a 15"x8" rectangle.
• Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
• Spread butter over dough with a pastry brush.  I’ve found it easier to soften the butter and combine with sugars, cinnamon and cardamom (steps below).  Once it’s all mixed, then I spread the mixture over the dough.
• Combine sugars, cinnamon and cardamom in a small bowl and mix well.  
• Sprinkle over buttered dough.
• Roll up rectangle, jelly roll fashion.  Roll should begin at narrow end.
• Pinch seam to seal.
• Cut the roll into 1 1/2 inch slices (should make 8 rolls).  I usually just cut the roll in half and then cut each half in half again.
• Arrange the slices, cut side up in 8/9” round or 8/9” square, greased baking pan.
• Bake until lightly browned, about 20 minutes.
• Remove from oven and serve hot.  I typically let the rolls set up for a few minutes to allow the butter/sugar mixture to harden a bit in the pan…totally a personal preference.

Icing – This recipe makes quite a bit of icing…if you’re not a big icing fan, you could probably half it and still have enough.  Otherwise, it might freeze well?!?!

Ingredients

• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/4 cup cream cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/8 teaspoon salt

 Directions

• Combine all ingredients and beat well with a rotary mixer until light and fluffy.  The icing has quite a bit of butter so if you don’t let the rolls cool a bit before icing, the icing will melt quickly.

Enjoy!


Thanks to Sarah Allman for this terrific cinnamon roll recipe!

Won’t You Be Mine?

I’m not one to beg for money or sponsorship for any ol’ cause under the sun.  I’ve participated about 10 walks/races over the past 2 years and have never gone above and beyond the nominal entrance fee to make a greater impact.  Please don’t stop reading now because you think all I’ll be asking for is money…there’s a really good reason I’m asking so I hope that you bear with me over the next few minutes and hopefully by the end, you’ll understand why (and be inspired to give).

The majority of my close friends are from college.  I have 2 (3 if you count a relative) from high school that I keep in touch with but college is definitely where I built my closest relationships.  Upon graduation from Mizzou, half of the folks moved to STL and the other half moved to KC, including JPug and me.  Because our already tight-knit group was cut in half…those of us in KC became even closer.  Through the years, our friendships remained strong and most of us married our college sweethearts.  After years of marriage, the next step for most is starting a family.  Of our group, the first couple to conceive was Jimmy & Kelly.

In early 2011, the couple was filled with joy as they found out they were expecting their first baby.  Between January and the anticipated September due-date, something went wrong.  Full-term for a single-baby pregnancy is 37 weeks…although the mother’s due date is calculated to 40 weeks.  Kelly’s water broke at 26 weeks…14 weeks before she was due.  She was hospitalized and put on strict bed rest as she received medication to help their baby’s organs develop to give him the best chance at a normal life.  At 28 weeks, Kelly developed an infection in her amniotic fluid (common when the mother’s water breaks early) which caused her to go into Labor.  Their little boy, Levi, was delivered on Father’s Day, June 19^th.

Upon birth, Levi was immediately taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit where he would spend the next weeks (until his original due date and beyond) getting strong and healthy.  The doctors cautioned Jimmy & Kelly that the road ahead would be a difficult one…NICU time is crucial for a premature baby as their bodies continue to develop and the staff tries to prevent further complications.  On Levi’s second day in the NICU, complications began to overtake his little body; he contracted a blood infection (among other things) and couldn’t fight anymore.

I’m walking on May 6^th in Kansas City’s March for Babies to support our dear friends and remember their sweet little boy.  The money we raise in his memory will help improve the lives of other babies born prematurely and will hopefully prevent similar losses from happening to other families.

I ask that you help support Jimmy and Kelly’s team, Angels for Levi if you can.  Any amount…$1, $10, $25…is much appreciated and will make a difference.  The money TeamPug raises for the cause will help support numerous essential functions for babies…including:

Brain:  We’re fighting premature birth — baby’s brain needs 9 months to fully develop.
Eyes: We’re developing treatments to cure vision defects.
Smile: We’ve identified a gene responsible for oral cleft and are working on preventions.
Heart: New treatments mean better survival rates for the tiniest heart patients.
Spine: Folic acid education means fewer babies are born with neural tube defects.
Lungs: Surfactant and nitric oxide therapies save the lives of many premature babies.

Team Pug’s goal for the walk is $250…please help us reach this goal!  You can donate online by clicking “Donate Now” on the right side of my walker page.  TeamPug and all the Angels for Levi walkers thank you for your time and support!

The Test

The morning of Day 28, I woke up at 3:15a and took a test…no dice.  I wasn’t shocked as I hadn’t felt any of the symptoms I experienced in December but I was definitely disappointed.  The two weeks between insemination and testing are filled with such a barrage of emotions…hope, anxiety and everything in between.  Everything leads up to the big test on day 28 and when it’s not positive, I'm thrust back into an unfortunately familiar situation.

To make matters worse, my body began to cycle naturally on Day 28.  Rather than having a few days to absorb the process and its result, I was calling Dr. K’s office to let them know about cycle Day 1 once again.  I’ll go back in for a baseline ultrasound and start this month’s dose of Clomid (if everything looks good) in just a few days.

This month’s process will be a good benchmark for Dr. K’s office.  This is IUI #3 so they’ll evaluate my body’s reaction to the medications and the process thus far…and make a recommendation for the future.  The next step could be stronger medications or different procedures…at this point we just hold tight and keep hope alive.

Speaking of hope, I have to admit that the process is beginning to lose its luster.  On one hand, that’s a good thing because maybe that means I’ll be more relaxed next time around but on the other hand, it’s hard to continue believing the process will work eventually.  In time, I’m sure everything will get easier…things always do.

The Waiting Game

This post was originally written on Monday, February 13th...

The second time around, the two-week waiting period between insemination and the big test is different.  It may not be different for everyone but it has been for me. 

First and foremost, my expectations are higher.  The process worked once before so I’m hopeful (almost overly so) that it will be again.  Trust me, I know this line of thinking is totally unrealistic.  I believe Dr. K said about 1 in 3 IUI treatments is successful (maybe even less as my memory re: this specific statistic is kind of foggy).  We’ve already had our 1 so it wouldn’t be surprising for the next two to fall short…but, my mind immediately goes back to the fact that the process has worked before.

I found myself thinking about the looming test more during week 1 than I did last time around.  I’ve been in the situation before so I’m even more mindful of my body and signs that could signal a pregnancy.  Self-stalker…party of 1…that’s me!

Here’s my Catch-22.  As much as I want to feel the same symptoms I felt last time around, I also don’t want to feel those things because the process worked but quickly fell apart.  If I’m not feeling them, does that mean the process didn’t work at all?  Man, how is it that I haven’t completely fallen off the deep-end of crazy yet?

Today is Day 25 and I can honestly say I haven’t felt anything like I did in December.  The main thing I noticed last time around was breast tenderness but this time I haven’t noticed that at all…and believe me, it’s not because I haven’t tried!  This time around my complexion has turned into the equivalent of a teenage girl but that could very well be a result of the hormones I take during the process or the fact that it’s finally winter in KC and the seasons are changing.  I’ve also noticed some constipation but that could be the result of a number of things.  No nausea, sensitivity to smells, tiredness…nothing.

I’m resisting the urge to test tomorrow (Day 26…which is also Valentine’s Day) because a positive result isn’t guaranteed 2 days early...I found that out the hard way in December.  The surprise would make this ridiculous, consumer-driven holiday special but I just can’t put myself through an emotional roller coaster unnecessarily.

For now, we wait…I’ll keep myself busy, try to keep my mind clear for the next two and a half days and keep hope alive.

Take 2

This post was originally written in early February...

I haven’t blogged about our actual process in a while so I thought I’d provide an update.  In January (one cycle after we experienced our first loss), my hormone levels returned to pre-pregnancy normal and we were able to begin the IUI process once again.  For JPug and me, beginning the process again immediately was almost a no-brainer.  Dr. K advised that we should wait until we were both physically and emotionally ready and for us, one cycle was enough.

The process was the same with a few, minor changes…if you didn’t read the series I published regarding our first IUI but would like to, scroll to the bottom of this post and click “IUI” under Labels.  The link will take you to all IUI posts I’ve published…scroll to the bottom once the screen refreshes and read up.

I started the cycle with a baseline transvaginal ultrasound to check my uterus (thin lining, free of pollups and clots, etc.) and ovaries (no large follicles which could react poorly to medications during the cycle and cause problems)…everything looked good.  Next was 50mg of Clomid during cycle days 3 – 7.  If you remember from my previous posts, Clomid is the drug that has a tendency to make women emotional.  Ironically JPug was travelling for work cycle days 3 – 7 so I wept…in bed…by myself…for 5 days straight.  Just kidding folks…once again, Clomid didn’t seem to cause any issues. 

Day 11, I went in to Dr. K’s office for my second transvaginal ultrasound.  This is the ultrasound where they check to see how my follicles (which contain an egg) are maturing.  Given that it’s the dead of winter and colds and the flu are running rampant in KC, Dr. K had a few folks out of the office.  Instead of the ultrasound tech performing my exam, Judy, Dr. K’s nurse did the honors.  I much prefer Judy to the technician because she doesn’t hesitate to comment on how things are progressing during the exam.  At one point, she said that my body was reacting “beautifully” to the Clomid so I took that as a good sign.   

Day 12, it was time for my Ovidrel shot which I administered myself (immediately after, I flexed my muscles because I felt pretty tough).  One difference between our first process and this one is that I didn’t have to take Estradiol to enhance my uterine lining before the insemination…less drugs + the fact that my body made a sufficient lining by itself = happy me!

Day 14, INSEMINATION DAY.  JPug did his thing and we returned an hour later for the insemination.  Before she started, Jamie reviewed the results of JPug’s sample with us.  He’s continued taking the medical food prescribed by Dr. N and it continues to work…his count increased once again.  About 5 minutes later, insemination was complete and I laid on the elevated table for 15 minutes.  Once the procedure was complete, we left the office and returned to work.

Peanut Butter Buttercream Icing

This past weekend, I put together a trial run of a very special cake I’ll be baking and decorating in the near future.  I took a cake decorating class just after the first of the year and now I feel like I can conquer the cake world (or at least in my head I can)!  The cake request was pretty simple…chocolate cake and peanut butter icing.  JPug’s birthday was yesterday…the combination of chocolate and peanut butter is one of his favorites so trial run + JPug’s birthday = a perfect fit!

I started with the highest rated made-from-scratch chocolate cake I could find on www.foodnetwork.com and paired it with the Peanut Butter Buttercream Icing recipe below.  I’m not a huge fan of chocolate cake…the one I found online was pretty good (and that's saying a lot in my non-chocolate cake liking opinion).  But, the Peanut Butter Buttercream Icing was absolutely divine!  So divine, in fact, that I ate too many spoonfuls of the leftover icing last night and nearly tossed my cookies.

I would recommend using the icing below for chocolate cake or brownies…or pretty much anything because it’s so darn good!  By the way, if you make the chocolate cake from the link above, don't be alarmed if the pre-baking consistency is really runny.  Mine was runnier than any cake I've ever made but I stuck with it and it turned out just fine.

Ingredients

• 1 C Peanut Butter
• 1 Stick Butter softened
• 1 Tbsp Meringue Powder  I purchased this at Joann’s - The Craft Store
  
• 1 lb Confectioner’s Sugar
• Milk

Directions

• Add peanut butter, butter and meringue powder to mixing bowl
• Add confectioner’s sugar a little at a time and mix well  I added between 1/4 and 1/3 of the box at a time to prevent the sugar from exploding into a cloud of dust all over the mixer and me
• Add milk (1 Tbsp at a time) and thin to desired consistency  I believe I added about 1/4 C milk total…1 Tbsp+ at a time

Enjoy!

A special thanks to Emily Matthews for sharing this recipe.

KC Infertility Awareness

A few weeks ago, my friend Jayme, brought this blog/website to my attention.  She’s an avid blogger/blog follower herself (check out her blog here) and came across the site through a midwifery service she likes on Facebook.  Although it’s only been a few weeks, this site has become an important part of TeamPug’s journey.  To understand the significance, let’s take a couple of steps back.

February brought Round 2 of IUI for Team Pug…I blogged about the process (in less detail than Round 1) but haven’t published the posts quite yet.  I honestly don’t know why…I guess I’m just waiting for the right time.  The first two months of the year also brought a mix of emotions because the two ladies I’m closest to in the process found out they were both expecting…their processes weren’t exactly the same as ours…they experienced their own, unique hardships...but they longed to be pregnant and deliver healthy, full term babies just like me.  While I’m overjoyed their processes have finally worked, I can’t help but be sad that TeamPug’s journey of infertility continues.  Now, I find myself feeling that the dynamic of our relationships has changed and although they remain some of my most supportive friends and cheerleaders…at times, I can’t help but feel all alone.  

This loneliness is hard to describe…feeling alone on the journey and alone without the child we long to have.  At some of my saddest times, I turned to the Kansas City Infertility Awareness blog and felt I had somewhere to belong.  Learning more about infertility from local professionals and hearing stories of women who have been through similar journeys brought me comfort.  To set the record straight, the site definitely isn’t a boo-hoo, bitch session, message board because I have no interest in that sort of thing.

Thanks to the site, I found a start-up support group led by a local infertility counselor and also learned about an infertility conference taking place in April.  This is the second year for the conference which focuses on infertility awareness and family building.  They offer breakfast, a speaker, multiple breakout sessions and a success story panel.  The conference and support group will give us the opportunity to meet other families with similar experiences and learn more about potential next steps in TeamPug’s process.

If you or someone you know is experiencing infertility, I encourage you to point them toward the Kansas City Infertility Awareness website.  The journey of infertility is just that…a journey that’s constantly changing and evolving.  You may not be ready for a support group or a conference just yet but if you are interested now, the information is available.