What’s in a Name?

Since I’ve been blogging for the better part of 6 months, I thought I’d finally address the name of our blog.  Better late than never, right?

TeamPug….let’s break this down into two parts.

Pug.  Pug is a nickname given to me by a manager I had at my first post-college job.  The guy had nicknames for everyone.  Looking back, I’m not sure he even knew my real last name and if he did, I'm sure he couldn't pronounce it.  His line of thinking was always simple...one syllable…neither my first nor my last name met that criteria so he abbreviated the most difficult one and Puglisi quickly became Pug.  For more than five years, J and I have been the Pugs…together, separately…we call each other the Pugs, call J’s parents the Pugs and most friends refer to us as the Pugs.

Team.  For J and I, team isn’t just a word, it’s a way of life.  We do almost everything together…partly because that’s our generation and partly because it works so well for us.  Working together, sharing the process and achieving a common goal has become a cornerstone of our marriage.  I’m not saying we spend every waking hour outside of work together doing the exact same thing but we work as a team whenever possible.  Shared joy, shared success, shared happiness.  I truly believe TeamPug is better than the sum of our individual parts.  If I'm having a bad day, JPug is there to lend a hand, whip me back into shape or provide comic relief and I'd like to think I do the same for him.  Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows but a terrific teammate absolutely makes the journey more bearable.

Thoughts on Adoption

If you’ve spent more than a year and a half trying to conceive naturally with no success, why not move on to adoption?  Simple question, right?  Yes…very simple question on the surface.  Simple answer?  Not even close.

Most people who know me also know that I’m an only child.  If you know JPug, you probably know that he’s an only child as well.  How the heck two only children met, fell in love and married is beyond us but it happened and here we are.  I actually can’t think of any other two-only child couples…I’m sure they exist but are rare…if you’re reading this blog…woot woot…here’s a shout out just for you. 

When TeamPug first started talking about a family, we joked that we’d send our son or daughter to kindergarten with a picture of their Family Twig rather than their Family Tree.  Ahhh…gotta love only child humor.  I digress.

Something maybe no one…outside of my parents and JPug…knows is that for three-quarters of my direct lineage, I am the only hope for future generations.  My paternal grandparents had two sons…my father and his brother.  His brother had no children and my father had 1…me.  My maternal grandparents had one child…my mother who had 1 child…me.  My maternal grandmother and her first husband had a son, my uncle and my mother’s half-brother.  For my paternal grandfather, paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather, I am the only person who can continue that blood line in our family.  JPug's family is a bit different in that both of his parents have siblings who have continued their respective blood lines.

I was talking to a friend the other day and mentioned that I look at the potential end as an extinction.  Not on a grand scale, save the pandas sort of way but hopefully you get what I mean.  My family blood line, which can be traced back hundreds of years (thanks to terrific research by my uncle/dad's brother), would be no more.  Would the line continue down the branches of my grandparents siblings…yes…but our direct line would come to an end.

This isn’t something that weighs on my mind constantly but it’s absolutely a consideration in our process.  Having children means so many things to me…one of which is paying homage to those who worked so hard during their lifetime to provide a better life for future generations.  I feel we owe it to ourselves and our ancestors to exhaust all options when it comes to having natural children.  If we’ve done everything in our power to have natural children and the process doesn’t work, then we’ll know we did our absolute best and can move on and consider other options.

Is this line of thinking or the process we’re following right for everyone?  Absolutely not.  As I’ve said before…everyone has their own unique process.  Hopefully this post shed some light on a burning question (just kidding folks)…or at least provided you with another piece of TeamPug’s seemingly enormous puzzle.  

Perception vs. Reality

The process of infertility and the impact it’s had on my relationships with various friends is an interesting topic.  TeamPug has received an overwhelming amount of support from so many different people…friends I haven’t talked to since high school, family members near and far, even complete strangers who received our blog link from a friend.  The love, kind words, prayers and overall positivity have been truly amazing.  I’d be lying if I said everything has been sunshine and rainbows but so much good definitely outweighs the bad.

Throughout the process, I’ve found myself gravitating to those friends who are…as I say…in the same ocean making their way to the same destination, just on a different boat.  But, what’s a girl to do as those friends begin to reach their destination while TeamPug continues to paddle?  Is the closeness that’s developed over the months for real or simply a product of shared circumstance?  What happens when the friends who have provided so much love and support say something that’s perceived as insensitive although that was not the intent?

As I continue to mature in the process, I’ve found myself letting go of insensitive comments rather than allowing them to simmer until they boil over.  Why?  For a multitude of reasons.  First and foremost (as I’ve stated in previous posts), it’s not good for my health during the process, long-term health or the strength of my relationship with JPug and our friends.  I’m beginning to understand that friends who make insensitive comments…the level of insensitivity is strictly my perception.  The vast majority of comments are made in an encouraging fashion but miss the mark.  I can’t hold that against those whose ultimate end goal is support and love for TeamPug and our journey.  Now, please don’t mistake insensitive with downright rude…in my mind, there’s a pretty clear line between the two.  To this point, we’ve been fortunate that no close friends or family members have been rude...although some acquaintances have.

Bottom line, I can’t hold someone’s ignorance against them…unless you’ve been in our shoes and through our process (which is impossible), I can’t expect you to know something you don’t or identify with something you can’t.  In the same breath, I'm sure I've said things that have been perceived by friends as insensitive when that was not the intent because I haven't been in their shoes (it's a two way street, right?).  Do comments that were perceived as insensitive sting a bit more when they come from friends who have been in similar situations?  You betcha.  But, I can’t hold those friends to a higher (maybe even unattainable) standard just because their journey can be likened to that of TeamPug.  Different people...different journeys...different emotions.  Even if the journey is similar on the surface, the rooted emotions may be very different.

In the end, every journey and every struggle is unique…whether it’s TeamPug’s infertility, someone who loses a family member suddenly or one of a million other obstacles we encounter on the road of life.  As outsiders, the best we can do is lend support, love and encouragement with the best of intentions and trust those intentions will be accepted for what they are rather than misconstrued.  If you find your gut telling you a comment may have been insensitive...face the issue head on and apologize...a simple "I'm sorry" can go a long way whether you're on the giving or the receiving end.   

Winter Wassail

Winter in Kansas City has finally arrived…in mid-February!  We had our first legitimate snowfall yesterday (a mere 2 inches) which caused a total mess on the roads but all the white should be gone later this week as warmer temps and rain roll in.

Before winter disappears completely, I wanted to share this family recipe with you.  I associate wassail with the holidays but since Christmas 2011 has come and gone, keep this recipe in your repertoire for Christmas 2012 or do something crazy and make yourself a pot on a cold winter weekend.

Ingredients

• 1 bottle Cranberry Juice Cocktail
• 1 bottle Apple Juice
• 1 bottle White Grape Juice
• 1 Navel Orange (thick sliced, pithy ends removed)
• 3 Whole Cloves
• 1 Cinnamon Stick

Directions

1. Pour ½ bottle of cranberry, ½ bottle of apple and ½ bottle of white grape juice into large pot on the stove or into a crock pot.  Note:  Your pot may hold more or less liquid...just make sure each juice type combines in equal parts.
2. Add orange, cloves and cinnamon stick to the mixture.
3. Set crockpot on high for 2 hours or bring mixture to a boil on stove.
4. Once mixture is warm, switch to low/warm setting (crockpot) or low (stove).
5. During the holidays, this will be on the stove for most of the day at our house.  As I’m writing this, I’m not sure that’s 100% safe but we’ve gone quite a few gatherings with no issues :)
6. As the mixture is consumed and your pot gets low, add juices in equal parts to the crockpot/large pot, warm as directed above and serve.
7. Leave the lid off the crockpot/large pot if you’d like the smell of wassail throughout your home.  Keep the lid on the crockpot/large pot if you don’t.  If you do remove the lid, check the mixture occasionally as some of the water will evaporate which causes your mixture to become concentrated.  Just add additional water to taste and warm.
8. If all of the mixture isn’t consumed, remove the orange, cloves and cinnamon stick and pour the mixture back into the cranberry, apple or white grape juice bottles.  Refrigerate to enjoy cold or hot in the future.

Enjoy!

Lend a Hand | Discover Something New

Over the past year or so, I’ve made an effort to volunteer more of my time.  I’ve been a committee chair for the local Mizzou business alumni chapter for years but wanted something more.  Last fall, I began mentoring a local girl once a week at an elementary school near work.  She and I eat lunch, work on academics, talk about life lessons and play games.  This spring, I’m looking forward to volunteering with a local chapter of Girls on the Run which is a program that combines self-esteem/character development with running for young girls.  I also joined the Mizzou Alumni Association’s volunteer group where I have the opportunity to meet other MU alumni while participating in various volunteer events throughout the KC metro area.

This past Monday, I participated in one of those events.  We received an e-mail blast a few weeks ago asking for volunteers for “CCVI Food Fight”.  I’m not one to have any preference when it comes to volunteer duties…I checked my calendar to confirm the date was open and signed up.  Honestly, I’m not even sure I knew what “CCVI” stood for before my shift began.

I arrived at the location, Studio Dan Meiners (not an art studio but rather an event space...who'da thought?), around 5p and checked-in for my shift.  The event started at 5:30p, so I had some time to explore.  For an amateur foodie such as myself, this place was practically heaven.  The exterior of the room was lined with banquet tables…each table was set up for 1 or 2 local restaurants…Roasterie, Rm. 39, Lidia’s, Michael Smith, The American, Blue Bird Bistro, Aces, Baby Cakes…I could go on and on but there were probably 15 different local restaurants showcasing their fare.  A handful of local bars and breweries provided an unlimited supply of specialty cocktails, craft beers, and wine.  Attendees came in waves…the first at 5:30p and the second at 6:30p (depending on ticket price) and were given a token to vote for their favorite food.  Around 7:30, the main event began…3 local, well-knows chefs squared off in a throw-down type competition complete with a judging panel and a coveted “Food Fight Champion” title.

Here's a picture of the chefs and sous-chefs from the Food Fight. 
Chef Jennifer Maloney, Chef Patrick Ryan, Chef Ryan's Sous Chef David Crum,
Chef Mahoney's Sous Chef Janet Ross, Chef Smith's Sous Chefs Jonathan Nunez and Chef Michael Smith

All proceeds from the event (ticket sales, auction items, etc.) went to benefit CCVI… Children’s Center for the Visually Impaired whose mission is “to prepare children with visual impairments, including those with multiple disabilities, to reach their highest potential in the sighted world”.

Wow, what a great event for a great cause!  I can honestly say I’d have no idea something like this even existed in KC if I hadn’t decided to lend a hand.  Check out CCVI’s website to learn more about the organization and keep tabs on when the 2013 Food Fight takes place.

Gifts for Baby

As I mentioned in a previous post, Sew What?, I began sewing last year.  My friends and I have continued sewing a couple times a month…I’ve taken quite the fondness to the creativity and camaraderie that’s come out of our hot weekend dates.  I still consider myself a beginner with aspirations to be advanced… tomorrow :)  For now, I’ll continue practicing and will hopefully be a more proficient seamstress in the coming years.

I've said this before but I’m at the point in my life when a lot of friends are having babies…A.LOT.  Honing my sewing skills while making handmade gifts for baby has been the perfect combination of relaxing meets perfectionist with a little therapy (given our process) thrown in the mix.  Below is a set I made for a shower in December.  The couple is expecting their first child, a boy, this week.  It consists of 3 burp cloths, a onesie and booties with coordinating fabrics.  I'll post instructions for all 3 projects in the coming weeks.

 

Burp Cloths

Booties

Onesie and Coordinating Booties

A Change…In Thinking

In case you’re keeping count (which I honestly hope you’re not), this is month 18 of Team Pug’s process.  In gestational terms, that’s two full-term babies but we’re still at a big, fat, goose egg…0.  Is it what we planned?  No.  Does it break my heart? A little.  Is it ok?  Yes.

I’ve talked before about how this process can make a girl downright crazy.  I’ve found myself turning into my own stalker…stalking my cycle start and number of days, stalking my own feelings as the cycle progresses…do I feel different?  do I have any tell-tale signs of pregnancy?  I’ve gotten a sinking, heartbreaking, here-we-go-again feeling as friends shared their good news of a baby on the way, sent a shower invitation or texted a picture of momma’s growing belly.  I hope you haven’t had to experience these feelings but I have…and I know others who have as they struggled with their own infertility process. 

These emotions and about 1,000 more that I won’t write about…so much to write and so little time…can be crippling.  Not crippling in a physical sense but crippling from an emotional standpoint.  Such an internal conflict...how can you be happy for friends but at the same time sad for yourself?  How can you be strong for those two weeks each month where the magic of conception might be happening right under your nose while fighting off the worry, fear and inner turmoil that accompanies those same weeks?  How can 18 months of a cyclical, emotional process be good for your long-term health and strength of a marriage?  Sometimes I feel like a tornado of 1…spinning completely out of control.

Month 18 is where this all ends.  I’m not sure if I’m emotionally exhausted, maturing to a new level in the process or maybe a combination of both.  I’ve decided to take all of my eggs out of the “Everything will be ok…someday you’ll have your own, biological children” basket and move a few into the “Maybe not biological children but adopted children who become your own” basket.  Adoption is an interesting topic for Team Pug and I’ll definitely address it in a future post but at least a window (or maybe the back door) of my heart is open and I’m letting those feelings make their way in. 

Am I giving up hope?  Absolutely not.  Am I setting realistic expectations for myself, my husband and our process?  Yes.  What if I kept all my eggs (no pun intended) in the biological children basket and we find out a year from now…30 months into the process…that biological kids just won’t happen?  The news would be heartbreaking.  But, if some of our eggs are in other baskets, our journey doesn’t come to a screeching halt…it simply detours onto a new highway.  Plus, I can’t keep going the way I have been…those sour thoughts and emotions…my head has to be in a better place to lead a happier, healthier life.

My change in thinking won’t take place over night…it’s definitely not a light switch I can choose to turn off immediately.  I can honestly say that I’m more at peace with the process than I have ever been before and I’m truly pleased with how far we’ve already come.  If I feel myself feeling sad or getting overwhelmed, I’m going to step back and take a deep breath and remember all the wonderful in life I have to be thankful for.  Although I wouldn’t wish this process on anyone, I am truly glad for the experience (bleh…though I’d NEVER say that) and believe it’s made Team Pug better, stronger, more thankful and compassionate people.