The Waiting Game

This post was originally written on Monday, February 13th...

The second time around, the two-week waiting period between insemination and the big test is different.  It may not be different for everyone but it has been for me. 

First and foremost, my expectations are higher.  The process worked once before so I’m hopeful (almost overly so) that it will be again.  Trust me, I know this line of thinking is totally unrealistic.  I believe Dr. K said about 1 in 3 IUI treatments is successful (maybe even less as my memory re: this specific statistic is kind of foggy).  We’ve already had our 1 so it wouldn’t be surprising for the next two to fall short…but, my mind immediately goes back to the fact that the process has worked before.

I found myself thinking about the looming test more during week 1 than I did last time around.  I’ve been in the situation before so I’m even more mindful of my body and signs that could signal a pregnancy.  Self-stalker…party of 1…that’s me!

Here’s my Catch-22.  As much as I want to feel the same symptoms I felt last time around, I also don’t want to feel those things because the process worked but quickly fell apart.  If I’m not feeling them, does that mean the process didn’t work at all?  Man, how is it that I haven’t completely fallen off the deep-end of crazy yet?

Today is Day 25 and I can honestly say I haven’t felt anything like I did in December.  The main thing I noticed last time around was breast tenderness but this time I haven’t noticed that at all…and believe me, it’s not because I haven’t tried!  This time around my complexion has turned into the equivalent of a teenage girl but that could very well be a result of the hormones I take during the process or the fact that it’s finally winter in KC and the seasons are changing.  I’ve also noticed some constipation but that could be the result of a number of things.  No nausea, sensitivity to smells, tiredness…nothing.

I’m resisting the urge to test tomorrow (Day 26…which is also Valentine’s Day) because a positive result isn’t guaranteed 2 days early...I found that out the hard way in December.  The surprise would make this ridiculous, consumer-driven holiday special but I just can’t put myself through an emotional roller coaster unnecessarily.

For now, we wait…I’ll keep myself busy, try to keep my mind clear for the next two and a half days and keep hope alive.