The Next Go 'Round

Day 27 – Tuesday, March 13^th

I haven’t blogged about TeamPug’s 3^rd round of IUI...until today.  We’re nearly 4 weeks into the process and the path we took was virtually the same as the ones we followed in November/December and January/February.  The main, albeit minor, difference between the two previous processes was that I took Estroidl before insemination to enhance my uterine lining during round 1 but it wasn’t necessary during round 2.  This month Dr. K put me back to Estroidl to ensure my lining was as thick as possible before insemination. 

Just to recap the process…baseline transvaginal ultrasound on day 2, Clomid on days 3 – 7, second transvaginal ultrasound on day 11 and self-administered ovidrel injection on day 12.  Day 14, we headed to Dr. K’s office for insemination and we’re happy to report that JPug’s count improved once again.  The two weeks between insemination and the big test have gone pretty well.  I started volunteering on Monday and Wednesday nights which keeps me busy and work has picked up so my mind doesn’t have much time to wander during the day.  Last weekend was jam-packed full of my cousin’s pre-wedding festivities so our process barely crossed my mind…thank goodness!

Although it’s hard to believe given my two-shakes-from-crazy state of mind last time around, I’ve felt strangely calm about this month’s process.  JPug and I have almost always been successful in life…especially if we put our mind to something.  If xyz didn’t work out the first time, we tried harder and things went our way the second time around.  Infertility is different…no matter how hard you try month after month, it’s a very real possibility that you won’t get the outcome you hope for.  For overachieving TeamPug, that’s a really hard pill to swallow.  I think my state of mind during round 3 can be attributed to the fact that I’m beginning to realize that we’re putting ourselves in the very best possible situation to be successful and we honestly can’t do anything more.  At this point, the outcome is out of our hands.

I say I’ve been calm about the process and I absolutely have…until this afternoon.  After lunch, I noticed some spotting when I used the restroom.  About 1/3 of women who become pregnant experience implantation spotting or implantation bleeding; implantation typically occurs 8 – 10 days after ovulation.  Because the timing of my cycle is well managed as we go through the process, I know that I’m right at 13 days after ovulation, not 10.  Also, the color of the spotting can be an indicator for implantation…typically implantation spotting is pinkish or brownish in color but mine is bright red.  These new developments have crushed any semblance of hope I had for this month’s process working.  In the blink of an eye (or a couple trips to the restroom), it’s become hard to concentrate at work and all I can think about is skipping my post-work meeting and going home. 

Once I arrived home, I wanted to talk about the process and wanted to ignore it completely…all at the same time.  JPug was wonderful and had dinner ready but I didn’t appreciate it.  At some point I finally broke down in tears…the thought of another month gone and the uncertainty of what’s to come are totally overwhelming.  After dinner, I headed to bed and watched some TV before falling asleep…emotionally exhausted…at 8:30p.