The process of infertility and the impact it’s had on my relationships with various friends is an interesting topic. TeamPug has received an overwhelming amount of support from so many different people…friends I haven’t talked to since high school, family members near and far, even complete strangers who received our blog link from a friend. The love, kind words, prayers and overall positivity have been truly amazing. I’d be lying if I said everything has been sunshine and rainbows but so much good definitely outweighs the bad.
Throughout the process, I’ve found myself gravitating to those friends who are…as I say…in the same ocean making their way to the same destination, just on a different boat. But, what’s a girl to do as those friends begin to reach their destination while TeamPug continues to paddle? Is the closeness that’s developed over the months for real or simply a product of shared circumstance? What happens when the friends who have provided so much love and support say something that’s perceived as insensitive although that was not the intent?
As I continue to mature in the process, I’ve found myself letting go of insensitive comments rather than allowing them to simmer until they boil over. Why? For a multitude of reasons. First and foremost (as I’ve stated in previous posts), it’s not good for my health during the process, long-term health or the strength of my relationship with JPug and our friends. I’m beginning to understand that friends who make insensitive comments…the level of insensitivity is strictly my perception. The vast majority of comments are made in an encouraging fashion but miss the mark. I can’t hold that against those whose ultimate end goal is support and love for TeamPug and our journey. Now, please don’t mistake insensitive with downright rude…in my mind, there’s a pretty clear line between the two. To this point, we’ve been fortunate that no close friends or family members have been rude...although some acquaintances have.
Bottom line, I can’t hold someone’s ignorance against them…unless you’ve been in our shoes and through our process (which is impossible), I can’t expect you to know something you don’t or identify with something you can’t. In the same breath, I'm sure I've said things that have been perceived by friends as insensitive when that was not the intent because I haven't been in their shoes (it's a two way street, right?). Do comments that were perceived as insensitive sting a bit more when they come from friends who have been in similar situations? You betcha. But, I can’t hold those friends to a higher (maybe even unattainable) standard just because their journey can be likened to that of TeamPug. Different people...different journeys...different emotions. Even if the journey is similar on the surface, the rooted emotions may be very different.
In the end, every journey and every struggle is unique…whether it’s TeamPug’s infertility, someone who loses a family member suddenly or one of a million other obstacles we encounter on the road of life. As outsiders, the best we can do is lend support, love and encouragement with the best of intentions and trust those intentions will be accepted for what they are rather than misconstrued. If you find your gut telling you a comment may have been insensitive...face the issue head on and apologize...a simple "I'm sorry" can go a long way whether you're on the giving or the receiving end.
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